Thursday, April 30, 2009
Mommy Needs to Go Bye-Bye
I need a serious break. I would love just ONE day to myself. A small mini vacation. I don't care if it is just to get my haircut-as long as I do it by myself. I spend my entire day picking up toys, talking in a baby voice, and changing diapers. Then David comes home, and I really think he forgot where he lives. I know he knows where things are...maybe he's just quizzing me. I need a day to myself before I lose my mind. Unfortunately, I think it has already begun. Today I have found myself wandering to other rooms forgetting why I went there in the first place. Also, on my way to the computer I realized Sadie needed food. I walk myself to the laundry room, where the dog food is kept, and I scoop up what I think is a cup of dog food. As I said before, my mind is almost gone. I proceed to walk my self back to the computer room to fill up her bowl with...A SCOOP OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT!!! Wow, I have amazed myself at how scatterbrained I can be. All this because I was thinking of what I wanted to wear tonight while trying to feed the dog.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Mom- Job Description
I received this in an email and thought I would share.
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three sec onds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three sec onds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Dr. Arandia....Where are you?
Ryan has developed what we might think is a mild case of Chicken Pox from his vaccination. Since I have consulted with just about everyone I know who has children, there isn't new news. The only new thing that has appeared is a small knot behind his ear. "What does this mean," you might be wondering. Well...I DON'T KNOW. Then one might say, "Call your pediatrician." Well I did and... HE'S OUT OF TOWN with no on-call nurse or other doctor. Of course all of this happened on a Friday evening. So, we are hoping he will be in tomorrow. Until then, I have a spotty knotty Ryan.
Friday, April 17, 2009
And We Begin...
Yes, I have decided to start my own blog. As a stay-at-home mom I have come to enjoy the moments that I have to spend with Ryan. Who knew that a baby could teach ME so many things. In these past 12 months so many things have changed...and I love it!! I will share with everyone these triumphs, heartaches, and laughs and I hope you will do the same. So change a diaper, give your kids a snack, put them down for a nap, AND RELAX in front of your computer for its time for Tales From The Diaper Pail.
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